Don’t let your self-worth or self-image be dictated by people who’ve treated you poorly. Past lovers who’ve been unfaithful, bosses who’ve belittled you, a random human with a mean streak that happened to be pointed at you that day. Why do we allow them to have such power over our well-being? These negative encounters can affect us so deeply that they may begin to change our perception of how worthy, loved, smart, beautiful and powerful we are.
Photo by Jeremy Thomas
The healers/teachers/lightworkers that I know and work with fall victim to this more than most. Take one day, week, or hell, even a lifetime. I want you to give a quantitative amount to the people who love you, care about your health. People that YOU have helped. Everyone you interact with on a day to day basis. You can make a list if it’s helpful, but my guess is that you’ll come up with a huge, overwhelming number of humans that you’ve encountered.
Next, reflect on the nature of these connections. Have they been mostly positive or negative? Can you recall some feel good moments, no matter how small? Let yourself feel into this surge of energy that is (and has been) moving towards you from friends, loved ones, or even during kind encounters with strangers. A smile here. A door being held. Someone picking up a pen you dropped. Let yourself receive that love and connection.
After all of these countless moments that you can recall, I ask you now, why don’t these moments matter to us in the way that fleeting negative encounters do? Everyone who is kind and shows up for you, why do they get thrown to one side when ONE singular person shows up on a mean streak? When ONE (or hell even TEN) dates don’t go as you expected? That’s ten people out of the hundreds that you’ve met/helped/interacted with that have had positive outcomes. Strictly on a quantitative scale, that way of thinking is unbalanced. And I realized, it’s also kind of insulting to the people who have taken their precious time to be kind, loving or supportive to you.
Photo by Clayton Caldwell
That’s the first layer. The second layer is ultimately, we don’t want our self-worth to be dictated by any external source. We want our souls to be so connected to source, so supported and aligned with mother earth that we become like a giant bug zapper any time some blood-thirsty, energy sucking mosquito rolls up in our lives.
I often hear the line, (from women mostly, but some male clients as well), “But Rachel, I’m a fixer, I like to date people who I can save”. This has got to stop. Are you a therapist? Great! Save those God(dess)-given clients that you’re PAID to help. That is a clear, clean exchange of your time, energy and expertise. In a relationship, you’re not looking for a puppy to rescue from the shelter, you’re looking for a partner. So, find a partner. Someone who is in integrity. Trustworthy, loyal, working on their own crap. We’ve all got it! You won’t find a perfect human, (well I mean, you’re all perfect exactly as you are, infinitely speaking that is…but I digress…or pro-gress who knows). If you want to save something, or your feel called to be of service I encourage you to take Author Anaiya Sophia’s advice and “Find the one thing on the planet that breaks your heart the most and put your efforts there”. Stop. Watering. Dead. Plants. Enough with the “one who got away”. If they were, they wouldn’t have left.
Next, I get the question, “Ok Rachel, if they aren’t the one, then why did I have to go through all of that pain?” Great question. And my answer is this. The universe is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to. Thank your guides for leading you away from them. Trust that their leaving/cheating/firing you set you FREE to step into the next chapter. The person that hurt you may be your greatest teacher in learning how to stand up for yourself, to survive, to use your sacred “No, this is not ok”, which all of us, especially women need to exercise. If you need to cry, scream, punch pillows, journal, or go to therapy to process the deep wound, then do that. But do NOT let that negative experience change your view of yourself or your worth
You are an infinite, radiant, powerful creature. A child of Father Sun and Mother Earth. You contain the wisdom of billions of stars and have the capacity to change the world for good. People who do terrible things or act out of integrity are operating from a place of pain, and pain gets expressed in a lot of hurtful ways. But don’t let a few low-level encounters from scum bags dim your light. They don’t get that power or privilege. If they dim your light, and change your opinion of yourself, then the aggressors win. Don’t let them beat you are your own life.
Part II: What to do when the external aggressor is gone, and now the negative energy is coming from your own BRAIN
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